Sometimes the coolest epiphanies come when you least expect it and need it most.
This was the case one weekend in August.
I was sitting in a vacation rental overlooking a lake. The aroma of breakfast cooking gently swirled around me. I took in a moment to breathe in gratitude and then exhale the weight of my world. The political and social unrest filled the headlines. There were fires burning on the other side of the country destroying everything within its reach. And in the forefront of my mind was the storms forming in the gulf like decepticons and the land tornadoes competing for most menacing in the midwest.
But somehow, within the seismic happenings in and around world, the gratitude I felt anchored me in place like a visible fault line, weaving its way through the Richter scale of my thoughts and grounding me in its magnitude.
I paused. And then... epiphany entered the room, all grandiose and fancy. Turning to a friend sitting on the couch, I said "You know...in the middle of the hustle and bustle of life, right now, here is a nugget of peace that I am so glad we made the CHOICE to enjoy. We all got stuff "to-do". I am so glad I got to choose peace for me."
Do you ever notice how those "to-do's" never seem to disappear? They mount up and multiply like gremlins and no, they don't care the least bit how you feel or what emotional storms are present. I felt so glad that I chose "to-do" something that would remind me to seek peace and a piece of joy as well. I chose to allow a moment to "sad-down"(sit down) some where as my friend Krytle tells me I need to more often. 😂
In the background, from the kitchen, the sounds of UGK crooning "I chooooose you, babe.." arrive in my ears.
I ponder the lyrics of the song... stuck momentarily embracing all of what it means to choose me. I envision it like arms, strong and capable wrapped around all of my softness. It holds me tight and gently holds my head up to see every bit of its splendor and power. A lofty choice that esteems and lifts me up in it's glorious light.
You see, most of my life, it was spent choosing other things. Choosing someone else's comfort, their priorities, their desires, their goals, their to-do list, their security and putting me on the wait list. Whether it was being a young mother and wife routinely foregoing self care because I felt it noble to pour myself into the supernatural duties of career and home or a newly divorced woman unable to reclaim my time by just saying NO to overcommitting myself to satisfy my dependency with feeling "needed".
Eventually, I discovered that if my own cup wasn't filled, then I was flying my love thyself flag at half mast. I don't know about you, but then again, if you are like me, then maybe I do... but what I know to be true in my heart is :
I want the fullness of life to flow freely and uninhibited in my life with me in the starring role of experiencing the lavishness of attention, love and the care of grace.
The best part of this innate desire is that I don't have to look outside of myself to have every part and parcel of peace and the abundance already deposited in me at conception. Tapping into it starts with a simple act of authority: choooosing me, babe!
It took me a minute to arrive at this destination but I am committed to deepening my understanding of what it means to never hesitate to choose me first.
In all seriousness, dear hearts, I ask of you: what does choosing YOU look like?
Does it mean marching to the beat of your own drum and moving at your own pace in life, ignoring the flurry of action of others?
Does it mean letting go of heartache and choosing activities that make you feel whole and loved?
Does it mean being your biggest fan and talking yourself through anxiety and stressful situations for your own wellness?
Does it look like making YOU responsible for your own happiness?
Does it look like knowing your worth and adding tax?
Does it feel light and carefree, releasing the weight of dragging around things that are not important or do not contribute to peace in your life?
Sit with this for a minute and remember to live life like you love yourself.
Without a pause.
Without a doubt.
In a heartbeat.
Make the obvious choice to always choose you.